I'm not a grammar nazi, but ...

I’m not a Grammar Nazi, and I am not the worlds best speller. But 4 things really annoy me:

1. Clients who write an email like they are writing an sms:

Real life example: “If possible plz organise transport 4 me 4rm my destination @Durban (I've nvr bin in Durban-guess u'll also hav 2 tell me whr 2 ride of, I'm 4rm Bloemfontein I jst 1nt 2 go out wth my frnd n our gfs.. Thnx, we cn communicate wth emails.”

When I get an email like that, it makes my brain hurt. It makes me cry on the inside. Sometimes it makes me cry on the outside too. Real tears. Do I really have to respond to that?

2. People who make up words and then put them in songs and repeat them over and over…

“Erryday erryday erryday” and “aint nobody’s bidnizz”. What is an “erryday” and what is “bidness”. When I hear those songs, it makes me want to cut off my ears. Literally.

3. People who write words like they sound/like they say them and not how they actually are written.

I can’t tell you how many times I've received an email asking for a “coatation”. Coatation … really.

4. People who just use the wrong words that sound the same:

Another real life example: "Witch ref must i use. "

Okay ... Maybe I am a bit of a Grammar Nazi....

What's in a name

For someone who does not work in a call centre, I make and receive a lot of calls every single day

“Good Day, Jennifer speaking”

I don’t know what it is about the way I say my name, maybe I slur my words together or maybe it’s my phone line (I blame the latter) … but I usually get one of 3 responses:

1)    Hi Janice ….
2)    Thank you for your help Jessica*
3)  Janet ...

I don’t bother to correct people most of the time because it gives me plausible deniability.  “I’m sorry, there is no Janice here”…

It is one thing when clients mishear your name on the phone, it’s another entirely when a colleague you have worked with for 2 years gets your name wrong.

Standing in the kitchen yesterday, she says to me “Jessica, did you get a train this morning”.  For a moment there was an awkward silence while I realised that she was talking to me, and then decided if I should correct her or not.  In the end I just thought “Oh, well … close enough”.  Two of my other colleagues were also in the kitchen** and they are still laughing about it, wondering why I answered.  Maybe its because I’m just used to people getting my name wrong all day?

* That’s a lie … people never thank us for our help

**Which is amazing in itself cos our kitchen at work is so small, it feels full with 2 people in it…

Eccedentesiast

No, I didn't just pass out on my keyboard.  It is a real word.  

The Urban Dictionary (which in my opinion is a thousand times better than any other published dictionary to date) defines an Eccedentesiast as someone who fakes a smile.*

"Is this you today", my colleague Sandra asked me after I shared with her the word of the day. "That is me every day", I replied.

I am a complete Eccedentesiast at work, partly because the only way I can get through the day at work is to laugh at the things that happen instead of pulling out my hair and screaming.  And partly because some of the things that happen at work are so super crazy that I just have to smile and laugh about it.

I often feel like I am in a POW camp, with my interrogator shouting the question "What is the problem with Michael Jackson**" at me and expecting me to come up with a reasonable answer or be electrocuted and tortured.  I understand the words, and I understand how you have formulated the words to form a question.  I am just not sure what the question means or how I am supposed to answer it.

Yes, much of my work day involves fake smiling while swearing inside my head.  Occasionally I swear out loud. Very out loud. But thanks to the below memo, I have cut back on my swearing by using the handy alternatives suggested below.

*The alternate definition of Eccendentesiast is "Someone whoe hides behind a smile, when all they want to do is hide and/or die".  This is also true at work.  I have lately taken to hiding behind my computer screen when I sense my colleagues are about to ask me a question.  But unfortunately they always seem to know that I am there. Behind the screen. Fake smiling... 

**A line from the movie "Three Kings". If you haven't seen it, you should cos it is awesome.

What a Waste of a Wednesday

I am of the recent opinion that Wednesdays are THE WORST day of the week. "Why not Mondays" you are thinking to yourself. Mondays are obviously bad. You're still on the bliss cloud from your weekend and are hit hard with the reality of Monday, there is always a backlog of work from the weekend and to top it all off, drinking alcohol at work is frowned upon in these modern times so you have to do it all sober.

So yes, Mondays are bad. But you expect them to be bad. When you wake up on Monday morning you know its going to be bad. And then somehow you make it through and on into Tuesday.  Tuesdays are the "false sense of security" day.  After making it through Monday, Tuesday seems like a breeze.  You start to think to yourself "Hey, I have a handle on this week. I can make it."...

But then comes Wednesday ...  I'm not even going to elaborate.  By now I'm sure you are starting to see the sense of my argument.

The bottom line of it is that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF".

And today was definitely a WTF day.

Nothing that a couple glasses of wine can't fix...

... hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Beginnings

Been wanting to start a blog for a while, so I'm quite excited about this as a way to share my art and craft projects and the crazy things that happen in my life. So, watch this space.