Does the month of May turn you into a Zombie?

I was recently watching Shaun of the Dead* . The one scene that always stands out for me is actually the opening scene, which is basically just shots of people doing their jobs in a zombie-like state**

Today I walked halfway to the station before I even realised that I had left my house. Granted, I didn't sleep well the night before and had only had a few sips of my coffee, but still ... there I was, standing at the traffic light thinking to myself "How exactly did I get here".

It really makes me wonder: how would you know that you are turning into a zombie? I mean, unless you get bitten by a zombie, which would definitely be a huge warning sign.

Well ... now you don't need to worry about it. The people at Zombiepedia have put together this handy symptom timeline for you:

• Hour 1: Pain and discoloration (brown-purple) of the infected area. Immediate clotting of the wound (provided the infection came from a wound).
• Hour 5: Fever (99-103 degrees F), chills, slight dementia, vomiting, acute pain in the joints.
• Hour 8: Numbing of extremties and the infected area, increased fever (103-106 degrees F), increased dementia, loss of muscular coordination.
• Hour 11: Paralysis in the lower body , overall numbness, slowed heart rate.
• Hour 16: Coma.
• Hour 20: Heart stoppage. Zero brain activity.
• Hour 23: Reanimation. 

 Please note that this website does come with a disclaimer.

To be perfectly honest, this was supposed to be a post about the month of May. I know, it's hard to believe, because this is the first time that I am even mentioning May.  But if you follow my train of thought, you will see how I got here:

1. The month of May has pretty slow-paced at work, sometimes I feel a bit like a zombie
2. The start of May generally means that winter is coming and it makes me move a little slower, makes my wits a little duller - like a zombie
3. I was chatting to my friend Toni earlier and she said that she was turning into a zombie. I don't think that she meant it literally, but that is completely how I took it.

So, before this turns into a full-blown rant about the impending zombie apocalypse, here are 2 interesting facts about May for you:

• In any given year, no month ever begins or ends on the same day of the week as May does. So this year, May started on a Thursday. Which means that no other 1st of the month will fall on a Thursday. Which is good for people who could never get the hang of Thursdays.

• According to the roman poet Ovid: “Bad girls wed in May.” So ... if your anneversary falls in the month of May, please note that I am now silently judging you.***

As a bonus round: I have made 2 literary references. 20 bucks to anyone who can name them. ****


* Which, in case you don't know, is a movie about zombies. It's a comedy actually. It's pretty funny. You should definitely watch it
** the one scene that always stands out for my boyfriend is the one where they pull out a cricket bat to defend themselves instead of a baseball bat.  It is, after all, a British movie, but it still amuses him. Ironically, in my house, we don't even have a cricket bat, even though it is the only sport that I watch and has rules that I can actually understand. We do, however, have a baseball bat.

*** Mom, I am talking to you
**** Well, 2 intentional literary references. Besides Shaun of the Dead. Is it still a literary reference if it is a movie? Or is is something else. Another 10 bucks to whoever can tell me what the movie equivalent of literary reference is. Because clearly I have already reached hour 20 of turning into a zombie which is zero brain activity!

Captain Jack Sparrow - an update

All pets have personalities, and watching Jack’s develop over the last few months has been interesting.   Sometimes when he does something or cocks his head a certain way, I can’t help but wonder what he is thinking.

I have no idea what you are doing.

What are you doing?

What ARE you doing?!?

What are you doing?

Watcha doing?

He has this game he likes to play, where he throws all his toys out the bowl onto the floor. One by one. And then he throws the bowl. And then he waits for me to pick them all up so that he can do it all again.

Jack's stand minus the bowl of toys which I haven't picked up since the last time he threw them all over the lounge

The African Grey motto is "What's mine is mine. What's yours is mine." Anything you have in your hands, he will try and grab. While you are using it. Be it a pen, a book or a cellphone. Don't leave anything unattended. It will get destroyed. 

He likes to sneak up and chew on my internet dongle when I am not looking.  He also likes to bite on my keyboard and pull the keys off. Yes, they come off. Luckily they snap back on.

If he climbs onto my lap while I am busy on my laptop I have to hastily distract him with something before he pulls of my keys. Sometimes it is a pencap.

Sometimes it is pen. Sometimes he takes the pen from me while I am writing.

He also likes chewing on the cord of my camera while I am trying to take pictures

He has decided that pot plants make good landing posts. Except I don't have pot plants - I have an orchid and a bonzai tree. Neither of which is large enough to support a bird's weight.  The orchid leaves are not currently in the best state. I have tried to curb this by putting leaves in his cage - lettuce, spinach and celery leaves for now, and he seems to enjoy shredding them to bits. 

It's sometimes hard to get a photograph of him cos he moves suddenly all the time. He does NOT understand the terms "Smile for the camera" or "Hold that pose". I was just sorting through my photographs, and there are so many blurs ... kind of makes him looked possessed.

He is very interested with my camera. He likes to put his tongue against the lens and sometimes he tries to bite it. Luckily my camera has so far survived.

But sometimes I actually get a really nice picture.

I have over 300 pictures of him, and over 50 videos. Obsessive? Maybe ... but he is so cute, I really can't help myself sometimes.

Its my Blogiversary!!

Yay! It's my one year anniversary of starting my blog

A year of beginning each day wondering if something blog-worthy will happen, a year of pondering what is blog-worthy, a year of wondering if an event should be shared or not. A year of blog drafts that have never seen the light of day. Oh ... the despair!


So, what has happened to me in the last year?
Well, obviously I started a blog
I went on an awesome roadtrip
I had some strange visitors in my home including a crab
I survived the coldest winter ever
I got a parrot
I had a stress induced breakdown
I quit my job and started a new one
I lost some friends, I gained some friends and I reconnected with some friends I thought I had lost
I started a second blog
I got robbed
I fainted on the train
I had a birthday


If it sounds extremely mundane, don't worry ... it is.

Yes, blogging is filled with despair. But it has been fun. So thanks for reading and commenting and keeping me going for the last year. Hopefully I can keep it up for another year to come.

Another sad and angry post

11 days ago I was walking home from work, when I was robbed at gunpoint.

12 days ago, I was happily planning my weekend, thinking of what my next organisation project was going to be (May was supposed to be organisation month), I was proud of myself for finishing the 31 day fitness challenge (although I didn't do super well) and I felt brave and fearless.

The next day my world crumbled.

I am scared now when walking. I am armed with pepper spray, which helps, but I am still scared.

I have sleepless nights. Not as many, sometimes I will just lie awake for a while thinking about it before I force my mind elsewhere.

I am angry. Angry at the men who robbed me, angry at the police for their attitude, angry because getting my things replaced is so draining. Angry that most of the items in my bag ended up in someone's bin. Angry that they took my feeling of security and my happiness. Angry about the sleepless nights, angry because I know that they don't spare me a second thought.

I am adjusting to life without a smartphone. I miss my useful apps on my iPad very much. I miss candy crush. I miss checking the weather every morning before I get out of bed and catching up on the news while I wait for the train.

But most importantly, I hate that I don't feel like myself anymore.

I feel like the old me was a lifetime ago. 11 days ago ... and yet I can't remember how to plan my week or get my chores done or get ready for work.

I hate that I get angry and upset over little things these days. Bank forgot to order me a new credit card? Well that sounds like an excellent reason to shout at the teller and then burst into tears.

I am doing okay most of the time. Until I hit a disappointment or something triggers a fear response. Then the emotional rollercoaster starts again.

Yesterday as I was walking home, a car drove slowly past me. I got so scared that I almost ran the whole way home. A few days ago, I almost sprayed a homeless man in the face with pepper spray for asking me the time.


Today was another disappointment. Last week the constable investigating my case called me to say that they had caught some people and wanted me to look at photo's. I got my hopes up that I was going to get some justice. I know I shouldn't have. After 3 phonecalls (from me to him following up on when he was going to bring them), he finally brought the pictures today. I didn't recognise them. Which means that they are still out there, getting away with it.

So yes ... I am still sad and angry. But I promise, despite the sound of it, I am doing better. So this is my last sad and angry post (hopefully). I am picking up the pieces of me and putting them back together.

A sad and angry post

Sometimes a bad event will hit you out of nowhere - you will be having a great weekend, enjoying the sunshine, excited for the day ... and suddenly your car will break down and the rest of the day goes downhill.   This is essentially what happened to me and my boyfriend last weekend. The cost for this little mechanical failure? About R10000 plus the expense of hiring a car for a few days. So all in all, not a great start to the month of May.

Sometimes, though, the universe tries to warn you that something bad is going to happen by giving you little knocks right from the moment you wake up. Perhaps having a bad morning is a sign that you should just stay in bed and give up on the day.  That is what happened to me on Friday.

Right from the minute I woke up, I kind of knew it was going to be a bad day. It was raining heavily when I woke up - which is not bad in itself, unless you have a 10 minute walk to the train station to make. Jack, my African Grey, refused to get back into his cage, which delayed my morning and caused me to leave a few minutes later than normal. As I started walking, I realised I had left my watch at home - which is just one of those annoying things cos I am one of those people who likes to know the time all the time. Since I was already running late, I didn't bother to turn back. When I got to the train station, I found out the trains were delayed and when I tried to get hold of the office to let them know, my phone wouldn't work. As I was sitting at the train station in the cold and miserable weather, I was half tempted to walk home and climb back into bed. The day had started off on the wrong foot. But just then a train came and I made it to work, only a few minutes late. The rest of the day was uneventful, but when 4pm came I was grateful to just get out of there.

Usually, when I walk to the train station, I have my cellphone in my hand or my headphones in. This time I had neither. Since I had been running late that morning, I wasn't even wearing earrings or any jewellery for that matter. I hadn't walked far when a car pulled up beside me and asked me for directions to Plantation Road. It sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it so I apologised and carried on walking. The car drove away.

Let me just interject by saying that this was a relatively common occurrence - cars often stop in that area to ask for directions. I am quite vigilant, and I do not go closer to the car. In this case, the men in the car did not seem threatening at all.

I crossed the road after they drove away, and I noticed that when the car reached the end of the road they did a u-turn and were driving back. I didn't think anything of it - they were lost, right? They again stopped next to me, but this time the atmosphere was different. The driver asked again for Plantation Road, but the passenger pulled out a gun, cocked it and told me not to scream. The driver was still talking about Plantation Road the whole time. I was confused. What did they want from me? To get directions from me at gun point?

For a moment I thought they were going to tell me to get into the car. I just stood there, not sure what was going on at all.

The driver asked me for my bag. I started to give it, but the first thought I had was: how am I going to get home with no train ticket, no money and no cellphone.

What I wanted to say: Are you for real? This can't be happening to me. Or maybe even just no.
What I wanted to do: run away. Disappear.
What I was doing: wishing that they would just change their minds and drive away
What I actually said: "Can I at least have my train ticket, so that I can get home"
And yes, I said it with as much attitude as I could manage considering the passenger was still pointing the gun at me. When I have told people this story, they laugh at the fact that I did this. One friend even said I have guts. I suppose I did, trying to appeal to the compassionate side of someone who was pointing a gun at me. Looking back, I can't believe that I did that.

Luckily my train ticket was clipped to the side of my bag. I don't remember what they said, but I suppose they said that it was okay because I drew the bag closer again to unclip my train ticket.

The driver kept going on about gosh damn Plantation Road.

At this point I became aware that there was a third person in the car - in the backseat. The back windows were tinted black.  I hadn't noticed that before. He was saying something to the man with the gun.  The gun-man asked me what valuables there were in the bag. I asked them if I should just give the valuables - for a moment I thought maybe all I would lose was my purse and my cellphone and my ipad maybe. I still had my bag in my hands. It felt like I had been standing there with a gun pointed at me for about 5 minutes, but I guess it had only been about a minute.

The gun-man started to get agitated and he told me to give the whole bag. I thought about saying no, I thought about trying to run away, I thought about my brand new ipad and all my personal belongings and my shoes and my diary. All those thoughts in a split second. I gave my bag. The driver told me to stay away from Plantation Road. They drove away.

I took a step towards the train station. Let me just get home, I thought. But then I realised that I had no housekey to get in and no remote. I turned around and watched the car drive away. Too late I realised that maybe I should get a registration number. I got the last 3 digits and the make of the car. I thought about running after the car. I don't know what I thought that would accomplish.

And suddenly the whole thing was over and I was standing in the road by myself again.

There is more to my story - the kindness of strangers who helped me call my boyfriend to fetch me, the police and the feeling of futility sitting there waiting to give my statement because it "shift change", the inconvenience of having to change locks and replace things, and the emotions: fear, anger, anxiety.  The replaying of the incident in my head over again, wondering what I could have done differently, whether I should have run away, whether I should have shouted.

And thinking of all the things I lost. I know it is just things. I am always the one who says that. But I am angry that someone could take the things that I worked hard to buy so easily and with no conscience.

Asked by my brother if this makes me scared to live in South Africa or want to leave, the short answer is no. Maybe it would have been different if they had hurt me, or if the gun had been pressed against my head. But I don't think I am feeling like this is a South African thing. More like, this is the world that we live in. And that makes me angry, and for the first time in a long time, I hate this world so much.

"Did you take a stupid pill this morning" and other things you wish you could say to clients ...

Have you ever called a company and done the below? If so, then please don't be surprised as to why you are getting "bad customer service".  If you act like a bad customer, that is exactly what you are going to get.

These are more-or-less actual phonecalls that me or my colleagues have had with clients over the phone (I no longer work at the company, but the memory of dealing with bad customers still haunts me). There are probably a thousand more examples of crazy customers, but these are the ones that stick in my mind all these months later).

1: "Freak out for no reason" Lady

Me: Reservations good day, Jennifer speaking
Client: (loudly and rudely) Are you kidding me. Did you just pick up another call?
Me: Excuse me
Client: (Loudly and rudely) I was talking to you and you said you would put me through and then you put me hold.
Me: (slowly and in the dullest tone I could manage) Yes, you were speaking to my colleague. She put the call through to me. How can I help you?
Client: (Suddenly switching to a nice tone) Oh yes ...

I no longer want to help you based on how you just spoke to me.

2: Overly Impatient Guy

Client: I made an enquiry, but no one has responded as yet.
Me: I’m sorry about that, I will look into it for you. Do you have your reference number for the enquiry?
Client: No
Me: Okay, what was the name of the place that you enquired at?
Client: I’m not sure. It’s in Randburg.
Me: We have quite a few places in Randburg. What email address did you use.
Client: (spells out email address)
Me: Okay, I see your enquiry here for x place. You made this enquiry 2 minutes ago?
Client: Yes
Me: Well, sometimes it takes a bit longer for them to respond (Thinking: did you seriously just call me immediately after you hit send on your enquiry?)
Client: How long? It’s urgent.
Me: (Thinking: its for 6 months from now. How urgent can it be) Okay, I’ll give them a call and ask them to respond. 

3: "Don't try and tell me I am wrong even though I am" Man

Background: One of my clients stayed at a hotel, but wasn’t happy because they were working on the pool while he was there (in the middle of winter I might add) – he agreed to pay for the one night that he stayed there, but wanted a refund for the other 2 nights. I emailed him to tell him that the refund had been received from the hotel, and we had refunded this back to him. Literally minutes later, he calls:

Client: I got the refund, and I was shocked at the amount. It’s only R525
Me: Well, it is the 50% you paid less the amount for the one night
Client: I paid R1575
Me: Yes, the R1575 was 50% for the 3 nights. In other words, the rate was R1050 per night for 3 nights is R3150. You paid R1575 as deposit. The amount for one night is R1050. So therefore the refund is R525.
Client: No, it should be more
Me: I can put it into email for you, maybe it will be clearer. But it is correct.
Client: (silent for a few seconds) I would never have agreed to that rate
Me: But you were given the amount as R3150 for 3 nights, and you did book on that rate. I can forward you the correspondence.
Client: I want my money back
Me: Yes, I understand that. But you agreed to pay for the one night …
Client: But not at that rate
Me: But that is the rate for one night
Client: You are not hearing me
Me: (now at the point of struggling to keep calm) Yes?
Client: I will pay for the one night, and I want the rest of the money refunded.
Me: The rate for the one night is R1050, as per the quote. You paid R1575. So the refund will be R525.
Client: I don’t think that’s right
Me: Okay, well what I will do is double check on all the rates, and then I will email everything through to you.
Client: Okay

Now listen, yet again, while I explain math to you.


4: "What part don't you understand" Lady

Client: So I have an expired license, can I still rent a car.
Me: No
Client: But its only been 7 days
Me: No, you cant rent
Client: So where else can I rent?
Me: You can't, you have an expired license.

Well, this one happened to a colleague of mine. But I am sure what she wanted to say was "if you call here again, I will call the police and tell them that you are trying to make me an accomplice into your illegal activity of driving with an expired license".  

5: "I shouldn't be allowed to use the internet" person

Background: Client calls, needing help with a booking. I ask for a reference and they give one that doesn't match our formula.

Me: That number doesn't look like one of our reference numbers. Are you sure you made the booking on our website?
Client: Yes, I booked on (our website name)
Me: Okay, I will try do a search for it.
(I then proceed to search by the name of the guesthouse, surname of the client and email address)
Me: I am sorry, I can't find it anywhere. Was it perhaps booked under a different name or with a different email address?
Client: You are so incompetent. How can you not have my booking, you took my money off my credit card.
Me: I am sorry sir, I am trying to help. Do you maybe want to forward me the email you have with the confirmation so that I can look into it?
Client: Should I email it to (another company's email address)
Me: That isn't our company. Did you book it on our website or did you book it via their website?
Client: Aren't you all connected?
Me: No
Client: Do you have their number
Me: No, its a different company

And you had the audacity to call me incompetent?

6: "I don't believe anything that you say" Guy

Client: What time are you in the office until?
Me: We close at 5
Client: Are you sure you don't work half day today

Why would I lie to you. Seriously. 

7: "Debit cards and credit cards are the same thing, right?" People

Client: I got the confirmation, but it says that I need a credit card. I don't have a credit card.
Me: Well, you do need a credit card to pick up the car because Car Hire Company doesn't accept debit cards or cheque cards
Client: My cheque card works like a credit card
Me: Does it say "cheque card" on the card?
Client: Yes
Me: Then Car Hire Company is not going to accept it
Client: Why don't you put this on the website before people book.
Me: On the website, when you enter the credit card details it specifically says that you can't use a debit / cheque card and that the credit card needs to be in the main drivers name. In the terms and conditions, it specifically says that you need a credit card and it needs to be in the main drivers name.
Client: I want to speak to a manager
Me: She is going to tell you the same thing that I am. It is not our policy, it is the car hire companies.
Client: I don't care, I want to speak to a manager now.

Here is a helpful hint, learn how to read. And while you are at it, learn the difference between a debit card and credit card.

8: "Don't try and tell me that is not how your website works" Man

Client: I want to know why you didn't follow my instructions
Me: Pardon?
Client: I asked you to deduct the full amount, but you only deducted the 50% deposit
Me: I am very sorry, I didn't get that message. Do you know who you spoke to?
Client: No, I didn't call. When I entered my credit card details, I selected the option to pay the full amount
Me: We don't have that option
Client: Yes you do

Really? I have worked here for 3 years. I think I know what we do and don't have. Why would you argue with that? Why?

9: "I don't have boundaries with strangers" Lady

Background: A woman called our company with no information other than an sms that a charge had been made to her husband'd credit card. He had recently passed away and she didn't know where he had booked and she wanted his things back. I was asked to call this lady back and try and help her find her husband's booking.

Me: I am calling back from Company Name, and I believe you need help finding out where your husband was booked in?
Client: Yes, he died last week and I think he left his things there
Me: I am sorry for your loss
Client: He was a horrible man and an alcoholic
Me: Uhm ... well, I can try find the booking on his surname, his email address or the name of the guesthouse. What information do you have?
Client: Can I forward you the sms?
Me: No, we don't have that facility here. Can you just tell me the amount, the date and the reference on the sms.
Client: (reads the information to me)
Me: Okay, I'm going to check our charges for the day and see if we have one that matches that amount.
Client: You know, he was such a horrible man, and an alcoholic.
Me: Oh ...
Client: Yes, I am not sorry he is dead. I just want his stuff back. I can forward you the sms.
Me: We don't have that facility. I just had a look though the charges and there is nothing on that date matching the amount. Do you have his email address?
Client: No. He was spending money all the time and I don't know where he was staying, he was an alcoholic.
Me: Yes. I can't find any guesthouse that seems to have the name like you read out.
Client: I can send you the sms.
(This went on for another 5 minutes at least about her telling me how terrible her husband was, that he was an alcoholic, that she had no idea where he was staying when he died and that she could send me the sms. Eventually I gave her my private number so she could send me the sms and I promised to call her back once I got it and had looked into it.)
Me: I had a look at the sms, and it's not from our company.
Client: It's not
Me: No. Do you have anything else that has our company details on it? Did your husband book with us?
Client: I am not sure. I looked up accommodation on the internet and I got your number.
Me: Well, this is definitely not from us
Client: Who is it from?
Me: I just googled the name on the sms and it looks like it is a furniture company
Client: Oh, do you have their number?

This is still one of the craziest calls that I have ever had to deal with. I felt sorry for this woman, I did, but I think she had a case of the crazies. I can honestly say that I went way beyond my job description on this one.

10: "Creepy Phonecall" Guy

Me: I had a message to call you back regarding your booking
Client: (Sounding flustered) Um, yes ... oh
Me: How can I help you?
Client: Well, it's about the payment and I, erm ..
Me: Yes
Client: Sorry, its just that your voice sounds really nice and now I can't concentrate

I am sure I don't need to say anything more on this one...