These are more-or-less actual phonecalls that me or my colleagues have had with clients over the phone (I no longer work at the company, but the memory of dealing with bad customers still haunts me). There are probably a thousand more examples of crazy customers, but these are the ones that stick in my mind all these months later).
1: "Freak out for no reason" Lady
Me: Reservations good day, Jennifer speaking
Client: (loudly and rudely) Are you kidding me. Did you just pick up another call?
Me: Excuse me
Client: (Loudly and rudely) I was talking to you and you said you would put me through and then you put me hold.
Me: (slowly and in the dullest tone I could manage) Yes, you were speaking to my colleague. She put the call through to me. How can I help you?
Client: (Suddenly switching to a nice tone) Oh yes ...
I no longer want to help you based on how you just spoke to me.
2: Overly Impatient Guy
Client: I made an enquiry, but no one has responded as yet.
Me: I’m sorry about that, I will look into it for you. Do you have your reference number for the enquiry?
Client: No
Me: Okay, what was the name of the place that you enquired at?
Client: I’m not sure. It’s in Randburg.
Me: We have quite a few places in Randburg. What email address did you use.
Client: (spells out email address)
Me: Okay, I see your enquiry here for x place. You made this enquiry 2 minutes ago?
Client: Yes
Me: Well, sometimes it takes a bit longer for them to respond (Thinking: did you seriously just call me immediately after you hit send on your enquiry?)
Client: How long? It’s urgent.
Me: (Thinking: its for 6 months from now. How urgent can it be) Okay, I’ll give them a call and ask them to respond.
3: "Don't try and tell me I am wrong even though I am" Man
Background: One of my clients stayed at a hotel, but wasn’t happy because they were working on the pool while he was there (in the middle of winter I might add) – he agreed to pay for the one night that he stayed there, but wanted a refund for the other 2 nights. I emailed him to tell him that the refund had been received from the hotel, and we had refunded this back to him. Literally minutes later, he calls:
Client: I got the refund, and I was shocked at the amount. It’s only R525
Me: Well, it is the 50% you paid less the amount for the one night
Client: I paid R1575
Me: Yes, the R1575 was 50% for the 3 nights. In other words, the rate was R1050 per night for 3 nights is R3150. You paid R1575 as deposit. The amount for one night is R1050. So therefore the refund is R525.
Client: No, it should be more
Me: I can put it into email for you, maybe it will be clearer. But it is correct.
Client: (silent for a few seconds) I would never have agreed to that rate
Me: But you were given the amount as R3150 for 3 nights, and you did book on that rate. I can forward you the correspondence.
Client: I want my money back
Me: Yes, I understand that. But you agreed to pay for the one night …
Client: But not at that rate
Me: But that is the rate for one night
Client: You are not hearing me
Me: (now at the point of struggling to keep calm) Yes?
Client: I will pay for the one night, and I want the rest of the money refunded.
Me: The rate for the one night is R1050, as per the quote. You paid R1575. So the refund will be R525.
Client: I don’t think that’s right
Me: Okay, well what I will do is double check on all the rates, and then I will email everything through to you.
Client: Okay
Now listen, yet again, while I explain math to you.
4: "What part don't you understand" Lady
Client: So I have an expired license, can I still rent a car.
Me: No
Client: But its only been 7 days
Me: No, you cant rent
Client: So where else can I rent?
Me: You can't, you have an expired license.
Well, this one happened to a colleague of mine. But I am sure what she wanted to say was "if you call here again, I will call the police and tell them that you are trying to make me an accomplice into your illegal activity of driving with an expired license".
5: "I shouldn't be allowed to use the internet" person
Background: Client calls, needing help with a booking. I ask for a reference and they give one that doesn't match our formula.
Me: That number doesn't look like one of our reference numbers. Are you sure you made the booking on our website?
Client: Yes, I booked on (our website name)
Me: Okay, I will try do a search for it.
(I then proceed to search by the name of the guesthouse, surname of the client and email address)
Me: I am sorry, I can't find it anywhere. Was it perhaps booked under a different name or with a different email address?
Client: You are so incompetent. How can you not have my booking, you took my money off my credit card.
Me: I am sorry sir, I am trying to help. Do you maybe want to forward me the email you have with the confirmation so that I can look into it?
Client: Should I email it to (another company's email address)
Me: That isn't our company. Did you book it on our website or did you book it via their website?
Client: Aren't you all connected?
Me: No
Client: Do you have their number
Me: No, its a different company
And you had the audacity to call me incompetent?
6: "I don't believe anything that you say" Guy
Client: What time are you in the office until?
Me: We close at 5
Client: Are you sure you don't work half day today
Why would I lie to you. Seriously.
7: "Debit cards and credit cards are the same thing, right?" People
Client: I got the confirmation, but it says that I need a credit card. I don't have a credit card.
Me: Well, you do need a credit card to pick up the car because Car Hire Company doesn't accept debit cards or cheque cards
Client: My cheque card works like a credit card
Me: Does it say "cheque card" on the card?
Client: Yes
Me: Then Car Hire Company is not going to accept it
Client: Why don't you put this on the website before people book.
Me: On the website, when you enter the credit card details it specifically says that you can't use a debit / cheque card and that the credit card needs to be in the main drivers name. In the terms and conditions, it specifically says that you need a credit card and it needs to be in the main drivers name.
Client: I want to speak to a manager
Me: She is going to tell you the same thing that I am. It is not our policy, it is the car hire companies.
Client: I don't care, I want to speak to a manager now.
Here is a helpful hint, learn how to read. And while you are at it, learn the difference between a debit card and credit card.
8: "Don't try and tell me that is not how your website works" Man
Client: I want to know why you didn't follow my instructions
Me: Pardon?
Client: I asked you to deduct the full amount, but you only deducted the 50% deposit
Me: I am very sorry, I didn't get that message. Do you know who you spoke to?
Client: No, I didn't call. When I entered my credit card details, I selected the option to pay the full amount
Me: We don't have that option
Client: Yes you do
Really? I have worked here for 3 years. I think I know what we do and don't have. Why would you argue with that? Why?
9: "I don't have boundaries with strangers" Lady
Background: A woman called our company with no information other than an sms that a charge had been made to her husband'd credit card. He had recently passed away and she didn't know where he had booked and she wanted his things back. I was asked to call this lady back and try and help her find her husband's booking.
Me: I am calling back from Company Name, and I believe you need help finding out where your husband was booked in?
Client: Yes, he died last week and I think he left his things there
Me: I am sorry for your loss
Client: He was a horrible man and an alcoholic
Me: Uhm ... well, I can try find the booking on his surname, his email address or the name of the guesthouse. What information do you have?
Client: Can I forward you the sms?
Me: No, we don't have that facility here. Can you just tell me the amount, the date and the reference on the sms.
Client: (reads the information to me)
Me: Okay, I'm going to check our charges for the day and see if we have one that matches that amount.
Client: You know, he was such a horrible man, and an alcoholic.
Me: Oh ...
Client: Yes, I am not sorry he is dead. I just want his stuff back. I can forward you the sms.
Me: We don't have that facility. I just had a look though the charges and there is nothing on that date matching the amount. Do you have his email address?
Client: No. He was spending money all the time and I don't know where he was staying, he was an alcoholic.
Me: Yes. I can't find any guesthouse that seems to have the name like you read out.
Client: I can send you the sms.
(This went on for another 5 minutes at least about her telling me how terrible her husband was, that he was an alcoholic, that she had no idea where he was staying when he died and that she could send me the sms. Eventually I gave her my private number so she could send me the sms and I promised to call her back once I got it and had looked into it.)
Me: I had a look at the sms, and it's not from our company.
Client: It's not
Me: No. Do you have anything else that has our company details on it? Did your husband book with us?
Client: I am not sure. I looked up accommodation on the internet and I got your number.
Me: Well, this is definitely not from us
Client: Who is it from?
Me: I just googled the name on the sms and it looks like it is a furniture company
Client: Oh, do you have their number?
This is still one of the craziest calls that I have ever had to deal with. I felt sorry for this woman, I did, but I think she had a case of the crazies. I can honestly say that I went way beyond my job description on this one.
10: "Creepy Phonecall" Guy
Me: I had a message to call you back regarding your booking
Client: (Sounding flustered) Um, yes ... oh
Me: How can I help you?
Client: Well, it's about the payment and I, erm ..
Me: Yes
Client: Sorry, its just that your voice sounds really nice and now I can't concentrate
I am sure I don't need to say anything more on this one...
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